What a fucking waste of an outfit
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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