I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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