textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
