Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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