those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
