I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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