my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
