i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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