you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
