Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
