i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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