Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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