Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
