that's an acceptable place to lick
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
