i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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