So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
