youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
