Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
