my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
