More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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