He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
