I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
