Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
