She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
