my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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