suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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