I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
