You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
