I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
