In the future we'll all be gay
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Everyone says I win the strip club
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
