we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize