Im at strip club and am horny
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
