FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
