Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My liver just had a heart attack.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just pee around me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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