i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
