If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
