I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize