I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
