____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize