Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
