He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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