Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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