So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
