Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
