i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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