So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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