If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
