I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
