if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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