Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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