i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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