Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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