Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize