...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
