Will you blow on my dice?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
