Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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