i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
