All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
