i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
