saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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