He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
