sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
