Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
