I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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