He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
