Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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