They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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