every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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