I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
50% drunk capacity currently
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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