In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
