i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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