I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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