She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
