things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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