the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
