Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize