the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
