and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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