I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
