false alarm. still invincible.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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