he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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