We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
