omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
