Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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