do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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