9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
