never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
