I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
