you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
