Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
