the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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