Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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